You may have noticed parts of your life that have been predictable or somewhat controllable are changing, especially in the area of your personal identity. You just don’t seem to comfortably ‘fit’ in certain scenarios anymore.
The roles you’ve played within your family or in social/work circles, the worn out beliefs that have kept you in depleting relationship cycles far too long, or the ways you’ve operated to survive or feel safe in your life are the focus now, whether you’re ready for change or not. That’s the thing about necessary transitions in life, they don’t have to be chosen, as the bigger shifts tend to choose you.
Going through this kind of destined transition can be disorienting, and you may feel tempted to restore everything back to ‘normal’, only to realize you’ve outgrown your own comfort zone. The sense of balance you once had under control, is no longer feasible, and the harder you try to diminish your needs, suppress your thoughts, and hide your authentic feelings, the more ‘exposed’ you may feel. The secret is out, and we can see the unloved parts of you, the love in you that has gone un-lived so far. This is why this transition has to take place. It’s not just removing what isn’t working in your life, it’s moving you to another state of being that is bigger than you, or rather, bigger than you’ve allowed yourself.
There is an expansion happening within you, and around you, and it can really feel overwhelming at first, when you’re not sure how to fully inhabit the new space. It’s like being moved from a small apartment to a 5 bedroom home. It will have you wondering, “How do I fill in all this space?” or “Who do I want to share this space with?” Sure, you can bring all your old stuff with you, but it’s going to deeply limit the potential and possibility this new space has to offer. Anything or anyone that makes you feel ‘less’ or a fraction of yourself may have to be released to a better home now. You may think it’s demanding too much of you because of the exhaustion you feel right now, but in actuality, it may be demanding too little. You just have so much more to give now, and perhaps it’s not being matched, permitted or even noticed.
For some of you, up-leveling your dreams and creating from a blank canvas feels invigorating to finally have the chance to re-design your life by choice, rather than by forced circumstances, or crisis reaction. For others, staring at a blank canvas can be paralyzing. The trapped desperation of not knowing what you want, unsure what you’re capable of, the high expectation of how it should look, and your fear of making the wrong choice (again), is enough to avoid trying all together. But you’ll quickly learn when Love is transitioning you, the choice to deny it isn’t really an option. Or in the profound words of Selena Gomez, “I mean you could, but why would you want to?”
The one most impactful thing you do to move through all this change with ease is:
“Don’t take control, take position.”
Let’s face it, you don’t know what to make happen anyways. All your thinking, problem solving and even being ‘open’ is creating more stress, frustration and doubt, and frankly, aren't you over it already? One of the biggest changes in this expansion, is learning to lead with the discernment of your heart and spirit first, then allowing your mind to participate when it comes to taking action.
The position you want to relax into now is a surrendered posture, arms and heart wide open, asking, “Where would you have me go? What would you have me do? What would you have me say? And to whom?” And then, take in several deep inhales and exhales and simply LISTEN. Consciously continue to live each moment observing with curiosity, “Why am I seeing/hearing/experiencing this right now?” or “How could it be better than this?”
You’ll know you have surrendered, if you walk through your day in a state of curiosity, rather than dread, worry, anxiety and doubt.
God may be the biggest mystery there is. But part of that mystery, isn’t in withholding the information or help you are needing. When you ask, you do receive, if you’re courageous enough to believe it, and brave enough to feel it.
So again, for those of you who like to check off lists.
Surrender and ask for help
Get curious and observe what comes to you in stillness and in daily life, remembering nothing happens ‘by coincidence’.
If you’re someone who values being busy over being at peace, this position of surrender may feel like ‘doing nothing’ to you. So I may ask, “Why is doing nothing so challenging then?” Surrendering is one of the hardest things for us to learn and actually do fully, but just like Love, once we experience it, we can’t stop. For true surrender is the most powerful state you can allow yourself now.
If you’ve been feeling ‘alone’ this past year, it may be because you have been confusing surrendering with settling, or letting go with giving up. But when you finally give permission to that which is bigger than you to intervene, you will be provided the vision, guidance, strength and clarity you haven’t been able to find on your own.
Have no fear if it feels like you need to pause and realign right now, just when you thought you were about to break through. I've witnessed a majority of us don’t consider we need God, until we need God, and it has very little to do with our belief. The final steps of the mountain are always the most challenging, but always the most rewarding, when that unexplainable force within you kicks in and carries you the rest of the way.