The First 40 Years of Childhood Are Always the Hardest


Why is it, just when we think we’ve got it all figured out, the bottom drops out, and we have to start all over again?  In one of my workshops, a woman in her 50’s asked, “Should I be concerned that I’m still asking myself the same questions the girl in her early 20’s just asked?”   We all laughed, because it did seem absurd that 30 years of living still didn’t provide the bigger answers we all think we need. 

What if we’re designed to live in the questions, rather than have all the answers?  

Who am I? 

What am I here for? 

What am I capable of? 

Is this the happiest I can be? 

Who do I love? 

What do I love? 

What is love?  

Maybe this is why our soul evolvement and integration has never been a linear process.

We would never know our growth is not complete, if we weren’t still seeking better answers to the bigger questions.  

But along the way, boy can we really cause ourselves some unnecessary stress when we think such ludicrous thoughts as, “We should 'be there by now,”  or “We should be over certain things already”, or “We must be doing life wrong.”  

It’s our logical minds that want to believe there's something we can do, and then once we achieve it, we win back our freedom from inner conflict. Our rational reasoning would rather dismiss the cause of conflict all together, and just distract ourselves from the effects. Some of us have paid a heavy cost to a culture of shame that tells us we're not enough yet, we’ve wasted too much time, certain people aren't good enough for us, or life is always going to be this hard and unsafe.

So when, oh when does life ever get easier?

1)  When we ACCEPT that knowing and becoming our most True and authentic selves is a process, not an event. And it's a process that doesn't have a deadline or an end point, if you're doing it right. Question:  If I used this opportunity to grow, what would I do?

 2) When we stop trying to achieve perfection in life, and learn to experience and enjoy the WHOLENESS of life. Understanding that failure, pain and fear are all essential, beneficial catalysts for us to truly know success, joy and Love. Question:  What is the benefit of this moment for me?  

3) When we begin LOVING ourselves through the ups and downs, instead of doubting, blaming, shaming and abusing ourselves.  Question:  Where am I withholding love from myself or others? 

It really doesn't have to take 40 years to begin practicing and living these 3 life-altering steps. It’s just for some of us, it has taken 40 years of failing to find the answers, to realize the very best stuff lies in our questions.